she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
