i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Are we still banned from the library?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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