Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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