He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
