She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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