I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
