Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
