I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
