Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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