It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
