Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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