I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
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i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
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I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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