apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
