Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
