People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
