She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
