We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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