and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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