my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish you could order shots online.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
