I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
