Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
