im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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