You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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