Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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