There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
