Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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