looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
