I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
