I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
