Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
how does that bad decision feel?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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