i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
