she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
