dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
