she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
