I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize