im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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