There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
