I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
