Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
