I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
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I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
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My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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