why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
