Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
