While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
