i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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