it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
