I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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