I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
