He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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