Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Two words: nipple clamps
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