That's when you crack a 10am beer
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
