I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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