you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
