hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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