White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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