carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
