I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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