you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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