Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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