where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
