so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
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