God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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