The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
