I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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