my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize