was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
