I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
