Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
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future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
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