My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
