we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
