So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just want nice things and good sex
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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