Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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