Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
honey bunches of taint.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
