no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
