i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
