i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
