i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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