Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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