the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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