from now on my penis is your penis
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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