shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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